Voris’ photostream on Flickr.
I’ve been slowly getting my blog moved over to host it myself. And I do mean slowly…like J. set it up for me last August or September, I think?
Then last week I had some computer problems with my Mac which forced me to do my real work on the old PC desktop that I don’t think I’ve used since we moved to our house. (Yes, almost 3 years ago.) Anyhow, I pulled up my blog to post something and YEOW! Oh, wow. I think apologies are in order for those of you on PCs and running a (more than likely) old version of Firefox. Good thing the girls are very, very cute – because otherwise why would you look at those icky photos? They were all noisy, distorted, and just…ick! Not at all like they look on my pretty little Mac.
Long story, short…I worked last week to get my blog moved over…and now I can make all kinds of fun adjustments and make my photos big! And bright! And hopefully much, much clearer and nicer to look at for all of you on PCs.(Thanks again Christina for being my QA testing!)
So run on over and check it…I’m over at www.barelycontrolledchaos.com. And if you have me bookmarked or in a reader, please remember to change it there too! I’ll be there from here on out. The era of icky photos is over.
So I don’t want to leave my last post up all weekend – that is kinda a bit of a downer trip. And J. and I decided that we need a little diversion and are heading out of town for the weekend.
Plus, I have to brag a little about Addison since it feels like I do an awful lot of complaining about her and her astoundingly stubborn, excuse me, her independent streak. We had her parent-teacher conferences yesterday, and apparently Addie is quite the little angel at school. Her teachers had nothing but great stuff to say, we are talking – gushing here. Granted it is only preschool and I don’t think her teachers have a bad thing to say about anyone, ever. But still, she got almost all “fully mastered”s in her development skills and her teachers wrote this about her:
“Addison is a happy, self-confident girl who truly enjoys all aspects of her day at school. She is open, curious and interested in all activities and experiences offered to her. She is a fun and creative friend, making her a very sought after friend. She is kind and inclusive, but never gives herself away. She is bright an aware of all that is happening around her. We appreciate all she brings to class and are so happy she is here.”
It is amazing to see her emerging as her own little self. She surprises me daily with something she knows or says. And even if what she says isn’t always correct, she manages to keep us laughing.
This morning at breakfast Em was being silly and eating her hard-boiled eggs like a puppy (at least I think that is what she was trying to do) and she bit into an egg and kind of did a “grrrr” sound, like she was ripping the flesh right off of the egg. Addie shrieked with laughter and said –
A: “Emma, you’re a cannibal!”
(J. and I both looked at each other in shock. How did she know that word? And she was using it almost in the right context, too!)
M: “Ad where did you hear that word? How do you know it?”
A: (grinning from ear to ear) “I don’t know.”
E: “Oh, I think I know! From our pirate book. They talk about cannonballs in it.”
Ahhhhh! Cannonball. Of course. J. always calls Addie “cannonball” when she is barreling through the house and acting all rough and tumbly, too. That makes sense, although “cannibal” certainly could have worked as well.
Thank you all for your love, support and kind words about our sweet Smokey. We are all doing okay, but I am sort of hazing through today. Hmmm…I may have just made up a new use for the word “hazing.” You know how you are kind of going through the motions, but feeling a lot like you are in a haze? That is me today – hazing through.
I wish I could channel the amazing resiliency, innocence and naivety of my kids. Last week Addie’s teacher’s mom passed away. We (the parents) were organizing a gift for Miss C., but I hadn’t said anything to Addie, I just wasn’t sure if they were going to say something to the kids in the class or not, so I kind of (mercifully) avoided the subject. But Addie came home from school and just sort of matter-of-factly blurted out –
A: Miss C’s mommy died.
M: Uh…um. I heard that. Yes. Did Miss M. tell you that in school today?
A: Yep. Miss C. is probably going to be a little sad for awhiles, but that’s okay – her mommy is in heaven.
And she just walked away and continued on with her play.
Now, I know that she just doesn’t understand the permanence of someone passing, the not being able to ever see or talk to them again. But to just be so certain, and have that faith that yes it happened, it happened for a reason, and that the person is someplace better. I wish that I could have that.
We have spent a lot of time the past two days talking about all the funny stuff we remember about Smokey. The girls like talking about the other animals that we think are up in animal heaven with Smokey; their fish, Tuck – Em’s turtle, Nana & Papa’s puppy. I told them of my cat and dog I had when I was growing up. We had a big old tomcat who was all white and named Casper (after the friendly ghost, naturally!). I think he had many more than nine lives, and used every last one of them up.
After, when I thought we were on a completely different subject, Addie just piped up with “Mama? Do you think Smokey is playing with your ghost cat in heaven?” After we laughed, we all agreed that Smokey and Casper probably were having quite a frolicking time up in a big meadow filled with all-you-can-eat tuna and whipped cream. But Tuck and the various fish probably have their own safe pond to swim around in.
The talking about it all seems to be what the girls need right now. Several times today Addie would just sigh and say “I miss Smokey.” But no tears, again just sending a little offering up. And Emma was determined to “share” Smokey with her class for share day today. So I found a bunch of photos and she went in and talked about what had happened. That, too! I can barely write about it, let alone get up in front of a bunch of my friends and talk about it. Kids are just amazing creatures and I think I have gained much more strength from them, than I have offered to them.
As for me, I just feel sad. And I keep telling myself that she was just a cat, but I know she wasn’t just a cat. She really was a part of our life. And of course, that leads to a panic with the thought of losing someone really close to me. I’ve lost older aunts and uncles and grandparents, of course. But they all seemed a little bit “circle of life-ish.” I grieved, but was able to get through it and now just remember them fondly. But…ugh, I can’t even type it. You all know those fears, and it is just too dangerous to even say aloud.
And besides the sadness, I have been feeling so very guilty. How many times did I say to J. – “Smokey is just so skinny.” Why didn’t I take her in sooner than her yearly checkup? Would it have mattered? And how many times did I curse the cats while I was cleaning up one of their “misses” near the litterbox? Or push her away as she is lying on my arm as I’m trying to work?
Another life lesson learned. Well, I guess it wasn’t really learned – I certainly know that life is not certain, and you can’t take anything or anyone for granted. We just don’t know how much time we have here. We need to make every moment count, because I want to make sure when I am looking back and remembering – I am looking back and remembering way more good stuff than bad. No regrets or “what ifs.”
It is sad that it took this to remind me and make me truly start living like I know it.
Smokey’s favorite spot on “her” chair.
She was our first “baby.” I can still remember picking her out of the bunch in that old barn almost fourteen years ago. And attempting to give her a bath (or five) to get rid of her fleas. And then her attempt to singe all of the whiskers off of her face when she got too close to a candle. And the many cross-continental flights she took with us on our moves. And introducing her to her the much detested Tiger cat (although I think they grew to secretly love each other!). And the way she would run from the furthest corner of the house with a chorus of “meows” when she would hear the whip cream can get uncapped.
She was such a good kitty and we are just trying to remember all of those good things today. But I have a very heavy heart when I look at her empty spot. She will be so very missed.
Yeah…so…about last week. I kinda forgot to post anything, and honestly didn’t really have anything to post anyhow.
And this week? I don’t have anything to post anyhow.
I do have some stuff in the works (Aunt Laura and Carey your bags are coming!) but since I didn’t get them out in the mail, I don’t want to spoil the surprise by posting them today.
I am finally getting through all of the feeds in my reader from last week and getting caught back up, so I am anxious to see if you all have some goodies for me to check out this week.
Now, on to some other business…
A certain little someone in our house is turning six in a month. My God, did you hear me? Six! SIX!
What are we going to get her for her birthday?
Besides new jeans (because she has grown like three inches in the past month) or a brick (for her head to make her STOP growing) – what is something fun that six-year olds like these days? Any ideas?
We said goodbye to our visitors and basically spent the rest of the weekend just recharging and gearing up for the week. And the weather was so very cooperative. It was mid-80s, sunny, just perfect.
So while we were very productive and got all the little stuff done like laundry, picking up dry cleaning, grocery shopping, and returning library books; we also got a lot of time to do stuff like hangin’ in the hammock…
And hunting for our friendly avocado tree dweller…
Ah! I think J. and Em found him…
He provided us with about 30 minutes of entertainment…
It was such a lovely day.
Stop by Tracey’s for more BSMs today.