Second Guessing My Second Guess

I think one of the hardest things about parenting is the constant second guessing of all the big decisions we end up making for our kids.

Now, I think J. and I are pretty smart people. I read a lot of parenting books and articles. I seek out advice from parents who have “been there.” And with some things, it is even our second time around on the same issues. I feel like I shouldn’t be constantly just “winging” it around here. But we really do just make it up as we go along most of the time.

And even harder than the second guessing, is the guilt when you feel like you might have “guessed” wrong. Did your decision cause more damage? Will the child be scarred for life?

Which brings us to this –

I put Addie’s crib back together this afternoon.

We have had a rough few nights, NO naps for the past 4 days, and a very tired, very unhappy little girl. You know when kids are so tired that they get falling-down clumsy? Well, we’ve had quite a few boo-boos around here the past few days, and lots and lots of tears. Oh, and the sassiness. That may just be because she is 2, or trying to keep up with Emma, but “Sweet Sassy Mollassey!”

And, no. It is not that I’m just sad that my baby is getting older, or that I want to keep her little. But she is really going through a lot right now with the whole potty training, and the turning 2, and I think the move to the “big girl” bed was just a little premature.

Not to mention the fact that I love having a routine, happy girl. I love sleeping through (and her sleeping through!) the night. And I need her to nap so I can work in the afternoon.

So what happened when we got the bed back together, you ask?

Addie was beside herself with excitement. She kept wanting to get into the crib to “hang” out. She took a 2-hour nap for Denise this afternoon. She did put up a little fuss at bedtime, but she is now happily sleeping as I type. And I expect I will not hear from her until 7:30 or 8:00 tomorrow morning.

So although it feels like a step back, I think it is the right decision for everyone involved. We’ll try again in a few months.

Then again…who knows what would have happened if we had just stuck it out for a few more days?

And the second guessing begins. Again.


8 Responses to “Second Guessing My Second Guess”

  1. 1 Christina October 19, 2007 at 5:40 am

    Carrie! You’re in trouble with me, girl! I listen to the wise advice of been-there-done-that moms too, and you’re one of them. I was counting on you to figure out this whole big-girl-bed thing first, and then come back and tell me how easy it is and that I’ve got myself all worked up for nothing. And then instead you go and tell me that exactly what I fear would happen with Nadia, has happened with Addie.

    Really, it does sound like the right decision. It’s just not worth it if it’s causing so much turmoil for both her and you. Parenting really is hard…and like you said, the hardest part is always wondering and second-guessing if we’ve made the right deicsion.

    I can’t remember, was Addie trying to climb out of the crib and that’s why you tried to make the switch? Or did you just feel she was “ready?”

  2. 2 Stacy October 19, 2007 at 6:14 am

    Sounds like you made the right decision. I have been “sticking it out” for months and Anya hasn’t slept all the way through the night for awhile. She doesn’t seem as tired as Addie, but I certainly get the sassiness. I WANT to put the crib back together, but the hubby has other thoughts. 😉

  3. 3 Maggie October 19, 2007 at 6:53 am

    If she is sleeping now, then I’m thinking it’s a great choice all around.

    No one (that I know of) ever goes to college in a crib, so I think it will be just fine!

  4. 4 Colleen October 19, 2007 at 7:17 am

    You just need to do what’s right for Addie. If she was that excited to see her crib put back together…. and is sleeping so easily again… it sounds like you’ve made the right decision.

    Plus… now I’m much happier with my decision to stick with Zoe’s crib. haha

  5. 5 DJ October 19, 2007 at 10:45 am

    We had to sell it like a used car. Both girls were so anxious to get bigger, so we just kept making comments about how big they were by sleeping in the big girl bed. Seemed to work.

    We did the same thing when we moved Madey downstairs. Of course we had Alexis down there which helped. Occasionally Madey will say she wants to come back upstairs. But it doesn’t seem to be any big deal.

  6. 6 Maya October 19, 2007 at 1:55 pm

    Good to know that second guessing is always normal. I feel like I’m always doing that. I think you did the right thing…try it another time and it could go much better!

  7. 7 Elisa October 19, 2007 at 2:06 pm

    You are doing a GREAT job! Honestly, most of us are winging it every day. And the reason for that is NOT because we aren’t prepared or don’t care or any other such silly thing. It’s because as parents – you (we) aren’t the only individual(s)involved!!! The others involved in the equation are constant variables that change with the wind. What works one day is the last thing that will work the next. What worked with one child, almost certainly doesn’t work the others – at least not without some indvidualized modifications!

    There are times to tough it out and there are times to take a step back. ONLY you and J can decide which will work for your child. Since Addie was so excited to see her crib and is sleeping so well – you second guessed yourself right!!! It just isn’t time yet.

    I remember some sage advice from our pediatrician about big transitions in a kid’s life. At the time we were talking about the addition of another family member. But I think it applies in many situations. She so wisely said that we should not make any other major changes within 3 months either way of the new baby coming….that meant no potty training, no big kid beds, none of that unless it would be securely changed 3 months prior to the birth or unless it was started 3 months after.

    While growing up is exciting and kids want to be big girls and boys, all that excitement can produce anxiety in their little bodies. Not the same thing as stress although the anxiety can mimic signs of stress.

    Wow – this is becoming a child development disertation – sorry about that! I’ll offer my conclusion now (grin).

    Don’t sweat it – you did not scar her for life. In fact, you let her take a small step back into her world of comfort while she is doing so many other big girl things! (dance, potty, etc) You’ll know when the time is right to approach the issue again. You followed your gut instincts which is better than any parenting manual out there!! GOOD FOR YOU!!!!

    And as Maggie mentioned above, no kid has gone to college in a crib – you’ve got plenty of time!!! : )

    It’s all good!

  8. 8 kim October 24, 2007 at 6:40 am

    Hey, if it’s not working, there’s nothing wrong with going back to when it was. She’ll be ready soon enough. And don’t you have her rail off? that’s probably “big girl” enough.

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