Letters to all of you who are officially on “my LIST”

Dear California American Water Company,

I think you can probably understand my dismay as I’m standing in the shower yesterday trying to figure out why when I turn the handle, there is no water. Not a dismal trickle. Not a drop.

After all you have been tearing up our streets all. summer. long. and we haven’t had any water interruptions thus far. So I’ll give you a little leeway on the no water for a few hours. Although would it hurt to start a wee bit later than 7am? Given the choice between waking up face-to-face with my 3-year old whispering, “I’m hunggaryyyy, Mama!” and the deafening racket you make, I think I might even go with the toddler on this one.

But now imagine my anger and complete insanity this afternoon when we were out of water for nearly four hours! Do you not realize how difficult it is to now be two days behind on laundry? Cleaning day is much more difficult with no water. And try getting two girls to “not flush” after having it drilled into them that they “must” always flush.

And the icing on the cake. To look out my window and see gallons and gallons of water rushing out of the fire hydrant.

Even all of this would have been manageable if you had kindly left us a note. Just a little “hey, the water is going to be sporadic this week, sorry.” But, no. Nothing.

I might not want to be on my street tomorrow if we are again left waterless. That is all I’m saying.

Best Regards,
The un-showered crazy lady scooping water from the hydrant to water her plants


Dear Furballs that slightly resemble cats and reside in our home,

Is it really too much to ask you to cover your poo? I buy the natural cat litter for your own good, it is supposed to better for you, and so that you’ll have a planet to live on and I’ll continue to have money to buy your food. I get it – you don’t like it. So I switch around for a different litter, and that one obviously doesn’t live up to your high poop-covering standards either.

For the love of God, figure out how to do it. Re-learn it if you have to. Ask your furry friend who comes to visit (he seems to be able to bury his waste in the old sandbox just fine!). Whatever you have to do. If I have to cover it up one more time for you, you may find yourself out on the sidewalk very near to a hydrant that may or may not be gushing thousands of gallons on top of your head.

The grouchy lady who sometimes shares your laundry catbox room (except for days when there is NO water)


Dear darling, youngest daughter of mine,

Smokey the cat cannot turn on the TV. And it also cannot turn on all by “ifself.” Maybe until you “remember” turning it on, you can join the hydrant and cat out on the curb.

Love with all of my heart,
Your Mommy who doesn’t believe one word of your tall tale this afternoon


8 Responses to “Letters to all of you who are officially on “my LIST””

  1. 1 Maggie August 27, 2008 at 4:43 pm

    Oh my it sounds like it has been quite a day around the Chaos house!

    But for the record, my favorite letter is the third one — where in the world do kids learn things like that?!

  2. 2 Kate W. August 27, 2008 at 5:53 pm

    I have to finally comment and tell you how much I love your blog! Your girls are beautiful- tall tales and all!

  3. 3 Elisa August 27, 2008 at 8:07 pm

    Ahhhh – you had one of them days did ya?

    Gotta say – you certainly put quite the humorous spin on the day although at the time it was probably not nearly as funny!

  4. 4 msscatter August 28, 2008 at 4:22 am

    My cats have stopped burying their poo also and I’m ready to kill them. Like you, I buy the natural stuff but it doesn’t seem to matter. Do they just become old, fat and lazy? None-the-less, they are about ready to find themselves living outside and winter is coming!

  5. 5 ksmcnulty August 28, 2008 at 4:59 am

    Oh no!! One of those days, huh? Hope today is better b/c none of the afore mentioned will help you out of your funk :o)

  6. 6 amenthere August 29, 2008 at 4:09 am

    OMG, that is too funny. Sorry Bean, but when you wrote to the cats, I lost it. Poor Smokey and Tiger…*wink*.

  7. 7 Christina August 29, 2008 at 10:18 am

    OMG! The letter to your “darling daughter” – can I plagiarize it? Seriously, we have the EXACT SAME THING going on over here. N and A are like twins.

  8. 8 Sarah September 1, 2008 at 2:48 pm

    Unfortunately our moron of a dog HAS figured out how to turn the TV on. That’s right! The dog jumps at the TV until he hits the right button. Of course by then he’s turned the channel to all fuzz and static and turned the volume up to max so it always scares the unmentionable out of me. But that’s life at the Zoo!

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