Kids Say The Darndest Things ~ Friday Edition #2

So, I’ve been saving a few funny stories for the past few weeks, and since Papa especially enjoyed the first edition, and it is Father’s Day this weekend, I think today is a perfect day for another round.

Well, besides the fact that I’ve been carrying around a post-it with stories jotted down because I simply have no ability to remember anything anymore. And if I don’t get them down soon, I’m likely to lose them forever.

So without further ado, how my funny monkeys have been entertaining me lately…

While we were driving this morning Emma was chattering on (and on) about how she and her American Girl doll, Elizabeth, were wearing matching outfits, and how Elizabeth was accompanying us to the gym.

E: Mom! I haven’t played with Elizabeth for a hundred days, well at least 2 days. But that’s ok right, Mom? You don’t play with me.
M: (guiltily) What? You don’t think I play with you enough?
E: Well, you do. And you take us to the park. But when we are at home Addie and I want to just play with our Pollys and dollhouse and we don’t need you.
M: You don’t need me?
E: Nah. Well, Addie does, but I don’t.
A: (pipes in) No, I don’t Emma! I don’t need anything! I’m a big girl.
E: Well, I guess just Daddy needs you, Mama. He needs you to make dinner, and wash his clothes and stuff that Moms have to do.
M: That is all Daddy needs Mommy for?
E: Hmmm…well, I guess he can do it all by himself. He can make some food! Does he know how to do laundry? I guess you don’t have to do it anymore, Mom!

Ahem. I give the new “plan” a week before the house starts falling apart. Maybe less?

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Speaking of laundry, Addie has been insistent on helping fold the laundry lately. Mostly it is just chucking each piece on to my lap as fast as she can so she can get to the empty laundry basket…

..but the other day just before this photo we had this little conversation:

A: “I help you, Mama?”
M: “Sure, Bug. Do you want to find all of the socks for Mama?”
A: “K!”
A: “Oh, Mama! This sock is so too big for my toes!”
(She had one of J.’s socks on one of her feet, and halfway up her thigh.)
M: “Yep, that one is too big for Addie.”
(A few minutes later…)
A: “Oh Mama! These underwears are too, too big for me!”
(She had a pair of my underwear on over her clothes…and they were still…um, way too big!)
M: “Yeah, those are too big for you, baby.”
A: “I think I want to give them to you, Mama! I give them to you for your birthday.” (Then she handed them to me all crumpled up in a ball.) “Here you go, Mama! Happy Birthday! How do you like your present?”

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And Emma has unfortunately inherited my appreciation for infomercials. I don’t like the long, half-hour ones trying to sell you stuff, but if one of the “As seen on TV” items comes on – you know the ones, where you can only buy the incredibly useful item if you buy it over the phone and then pay a hundred dollars in shipping – watch out! I am hooked. My ears perk up when I hear “how much would you pay for this?”

So, Emma too finds the wonderment in these commercials. She is always telling me “Wow we should get that, Mom!” or “Do you think we should get that?!!”

She and Daddy tried to get this cookie/cake decorating set for me at Christmas time but it never arrived. When she sees a commercial for it she still laments over the fact that it never came. “See what you can make with it, Mama?”

The other day they were advertising these AquaGlobes, that water your houseplants for you gradually throughout the week. (Yes, they are pretty cool, I admit it!)

E: “Mom, come watch this!”
M: “What is it, Em?”
E: “Look at these plant globes.”
M: “Mmmm, those are pretty cool.”
E: “And then your plants are all watered and you…don’t have to lift a hand, Mama!” (You have to imagine her saying this last part like she is an infomercial announcer though – she said it perfectly!)

Seriously, I think between the two of them they are either trying to tell me something, or work me out of a job.